I would assume that everyone, some point in their life, was accused of doing something that they never did. But have you ever been involved in a competition without knowing it? I have.
When I first started doing leadership/management work years ago, I had a colleague - Joseph. There were 6 people (including myself) reporting to my manager, and each of us manage a small team of people, about 20 people. Both Joseph and myself were new to this whole leadership/management role, but I had the advantage of doing minor project coordination and project management from previous opportunities.
I can't say for sure I was doing any better than Joseph, but my year-end review suggest that I was a bit better than Joseph. How did I know this? Well, the man came to me and told me "I got Meet Expectation, what did you get?" I didn't tell him, but I got "Exceed Expectation"
Anyways the poor dude eventually find out that the other five of us all got a better rating. He wasn't very happy at first. We all know what happened. But here is where the nightmare starts.
Our manager LOVEs to delegate his task to us. He is only good at drinking beer and munching on those KFC. But since this incident, he doesn't need to delegate anything to Joseph anymore. The dude would volunteer to absolutely anything that the manager brings up. There were tasks that was assigned to me, Joseph would tell the manager that "Godwine is busy as is, I can take on that for him" Eventually, its to a point where i have to defend myself and say "I am not that busy, I can manage it." There are tasks that we are suppose to work on together, but he refuse to even let me take part in it.
The competition is not just against me, it was against other people as well. The six lead used to be really close to each other, we would join for lunch and coffee together, but since the review, Joseph start to isolate himself from us. He tends to take any opportunity to put down others. He once told Wendy that "Your work is nothing, you don't have much to do"
Why, oh WHY am I surrounded by people who only like to act intelligent? Its really strange how some people want to feel important and better than everyone else. See, there is one cool thing about the human race - we could never accept the fact that everyone have different skill sets, or someone is just better in some specific area.
This have somewhat led to the discussion of "right" and "wrong". If you think about it, who set the rules to what is right and what is wrong? HUMAN.. yes.. WE... and how did we do that? Its almost a case of majority rules. Ok, the law aside, which is (you'd like to think) well analyzed and planned out. But in general. People tend to judge what is acceptable and unacceptable in society, this judgement is based on what is the general view of the public. You are consider wrong because you are doing things out of the norm or out of what the society think is acceptable.... ok, so this should clarify the concept of "Perspective" and "Point of view"
Back to our topic of Mr "I am the best" Joseph. You see, if someone is really far superior and better than everyone else, their behavior, action, mentality should also be more superior than everyone else right? Hence different. But wouldn't this make them deviate from the rest of the population and make you an outcast?
The one thing that we LOVE about Joseph is his ability to act. I am telling you, if anyone is to get nominated for the Oscar for office behavior, it will have to be him. Words like "I love my job" and "I love this company" is pretty much the forever famous Joseph quote, BUT at the same time, every now and then, he will bring up the topic of job search and its easy for him to find a job, and he don't planned on staying for a long time, and the fact that he has a million degrees under his sleeve (ok, I am exaggerating, he has 2.... ).. blah blah blah.. the list go on and on.
At the end of the day, we are responsible for our own action and the choices we make, this include the responsibilities to handle enemies we built for ourselves. Good luck Joseph, I am just going to play the modest nice guy role. I have a lot of friends, but I do want more.. you never know when others will be ahead of you, and what they can do to you.....
Friday, September 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Planning/building/sustaining your career...
I recently met a new "friend" on the GO train. We started talking almost a week ago when he first started at RBC, he asked me direction and I told him "I work there, I will walk you". So anyways, he is about 50 years old, migrated from Iran 7 years ago, a Chemical Engineer who ended up in the IT field. He has a son and a daughter. The daughter is 23, the son is 25. Both in their second year of university. He was telling me that he keep asking his son to "Finish up school and find a job". I remember a conversation with someone else not long ago, it was along the line of the same thing. It slowly occurs to me that the 18-25 group are extremely laid back. Being oblivious and naive seems to be the latest greatest trend. The idea of self enhancement, knowledge or reading a damn book seems so foreign to them. Half of these people, have a dream, a dream of being someone, being rich, but they don't do anything that will help them achieve this dream
I have a friend - Marvin, who is somewhat similar. Marvin lived a good life, rich and capable parents. Never have to worry about anything. If he has no money, he goes home and ask for more. He is 24, has a job. A job that pays fairly well, but definitely not a job you want to keep for life. There are opportunities to move up in his field, but he never did anything about it. He complain a lot about his job. He also have big dream, and unrealistic expectation. Why unrealistic.. well just say, he keep looking for opportunities that he does not qualify for.
Heck, Marvin doesn't even know if he want his career or not. Every time any of his friend talk about getting some kind of professional certification (not in his field), he will always say "Yeah maybe I should do that too". "Maybe"? How about MAYBE you should concentrate at what you are doing and be good at it and climb up? You didn't even finish college, be happy that you are in an engineering firm doing entry level work.
But the sad truth is that, he is not the only person that exhibit this behavior. MANY people of that age group shows this. I was talking to a couple of fresh graduate engineers when I was working in the high tech sector. 90% of them didn't want to be an engineer, 100% of them didn't know what they were getting in to or if they are want to do engineering work. It was "Whatever accept me and sound cool in university". This thought is especially dangerous in the Engineering and Medical field. Imagine an engineer designing an elevator who said "Whatever works the easiest" or a surgeon telling you that "I don't know, but whatever is the easiest way to do your bypass".
Looking back 5 years ago - When I was 25, the people my age group and around me did NOT think this way. Everyone had an established career and know what they want in life, 80% of us try to go back to school to enrich ourselves.
Notes to married couple, if you are going to bring your kid up to be a parasite to the society, stop... we have plenty of these people now, and its absolutely disgusting....
I have a friend - Marvin, who is somewhat similar. Marvin lived a good life, rich and capable parents. Never have to worry about anything. If he has no money, he goes home and ask for more. He is 24, has a job. A job that pays fairly well, but definitely not a job you want to keep for life. There are opportunities to move up in his field, but he never did anything about it. He complain a lot about his job. He also have big dream, and unrealistic expectation. Why unrealistic.. well just say, he keep looking for opportunities that he does not qualify for.
Heck, Marvin doesn't even know if he want his career or not. Every time any of his friend talk about getting some kind of professional certification (not in his field), he will always say "Yeah maybe I should do that too". "Maybe"? How about MAYBE you should concentrate at what you are doing and be good at it and climb up? You didn't even finish college, be happy that you are in an engineering firm doing entry level work.
But the sad truth is that, he is not the only person that exhibit this behavior. MANY people of that age group shows this. I was talking to a couple of fresh graduate engineers when I was working in the high tech sector. 90% of them didn't want to be an engineer, 100% of them didn't know what they were getting in to or if they are want to do engineering work. It was "Whatever accept me and sound cool in university". This thought is especially dangerous in the Engineering and Medical field. Imagine an engineer designing an elevator who said "Whatever works the easiest" or a surgeon telling you that "I don't know, but whatever is the easiest way to do your bypass".
Looking back 5 years ago - When I was 25, the people my age group and around me did NOT think this way. Everyone had an established career and know what they want in life, 80% of us try to go back to school to enrich ourselves.
Notes to married couple, if you are going to bring your kid up to be a parasite to the society, stop... we have plenty of these people now, and its absolutely disgusting....
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Support/service call....
My manager came in to the office this morning complaining about her Internet services at home, for some strange reason they disconnected her completely. Anyways, she tried calling Bell's technical support hot line, the automated self serve system ask for user input "Please use the touch tone pad on your phone to key in your phone number so that we can pull up your file". She did that, waited 10 minutes because "We are experiencing higher than normal call volume" go figure. Forced to listen to those nasty off tuned music while she wait, someone finally pickup the phone after 10 minutes of ear torture by the static radio station, the operator asked her "Can I have you phone number and area code so that I can pull up your file?" She snapped! I mean wouldn't you snap?
This remind me of a recent incident at work. It was just last Wednesday I believe. I came back from lunch to attend a not so important meeting, but it kills time, especially after lunch. Discovered that I could no longer open up my mail client, it died as soon as I launch it because of a connectivity issue. I called the corporate help desk. The support personnel said "We are experiencing some problems with a server, so everyone on that server will experience this. Can you tell me which server you are on?" So I open up the mail account profile and gave him the information. He said "Oh, yes, you are in fact on that particular server. This is a known issue, it is being investigated. We will send you a email as soon as this issue is fixed". Well well well... Let see, you will send me a email to tell me that my email is fixed, because right now I cannot check my email. Hmm...
Its incredible isn't it? Did you even listen to me? Stop making me repeat myself, I look like an idiot. Wait, or was I an idiot because I decided to CALL?
I am in the field of quality management in the hardware/software side of the IT world. One way to gauge quality is to think more like the client/customer/user. I keep telling my staff that "If you are the one to use this system on a daily basis, will you accept the system's behavior as is? If not, that will mean we have a quality issue". Well, not quite, there are other metrics and quantification, but this is a simple basis of "Quality". Service quality should also be gauge in the same manner, after all, its the user experience that matter most. And with service calls, these are people you are dealing with, not machines. Has anyone, any of these so call "Call Center Experts" ever gauge to look at the incovenience that was brought upon us?
And talking of services, I am sure everyone had this experience before. You ordered something to be shipped to you via courier. You missed the parcel on the day of delivery, simply because they love to drop by while you are out, somehow I have a feeling that the delivery guy camp down the street to make sure you are out when he rings on the bell. They will leave a note saying "I was here but you were out, I will come again tomorrow between 9:00am and 4:00pm". This is incredible! I am hiring your service, so that you can make me sit home and wait. That explain why I won't hire you anymore, I can't afford it if I keep missing work like this! Ok, anyways, next day come around. You are in the washroom when the delivery boy is here, he rings the bell. You jump out of the washroom, run downstairs, took down 4 stairway pillar when you trip and fell. Open the door. GONE. Another note - I was here for the second time, you were not here again, so you come by to pick up the parcel at 8 tonight. So, its perfectly fine if you make me wait 7 hours, and you can't even wait for me for 5 bloody minutes. You call that service? So your time is valid, while my time is meaningless?
This remind me of a recent incident at work. It was just last Wednesday I believe. I came back from lunch to attend a not so important meeting, but it kills time, especially after lunch. Discovered that I could no longer open up my mail client, it died as soon as I launch it because of a connectivity issue. I called the corporate help desk. The support personnel said "We are experiencing some problems with a server, so everyone on that server will experience this. Can you tell me which server you are on?" So I open up the mail account profile and gave him the information. He said "Oh, yes, you are in fact on that particular server. This is a known issue, it is being investigated. We will send you a email as soon as this issue is fixed". Well well well... Let see, you will send me a email to tell me that my email is fixed, because right now I cannot check my email. Hmm...
Its incredible isn't it? Did you even listen to me? Stop making me repeat myself, I look like an idiot. Wait, or was I an idiot because I decided to CALL?
I am in the field of quality management in the hardware/software side of the IT world. One way to gauge quality is to think more like the client/customer/user. I keep telling my staff that "If you are the one to use this system on a daily basis, will you accept the system's behavior as is? If not, that will mean we have a quality issue". Well, not quite, there are other metrics and quantification, but this is a simple basis of "Quality". Service quality should also be gauge in the same manner, after all, its the user experience that matter most. And with service calls, these are people you are dealing with, not machines. Has anyone, any of these so call "Call Center Experts" ever gauge to look at the incovenience that was brought upon us?
And talking of services, I am sure everyone had this experience before. You ordered something to be shipped to you via courier. You missed the parcel on the day of delivery, simply because they love to drop by while you are out, somehow I have a feeling that the delivery guy camp down the street to make sure you are out when he rings on the bell. They will leave a note saying "I was here but you were out, I will come again tomorrow between 9:00am and 4:00pm". This is incredible! I am hiring your service, so that you can make me sit home and wait. That explain why I won't hire you anymore, I can't afford it if I keep missing work like this! Ok, anyways, next day come around. You are in the washroom when the delivery boy is here, he rings the bell. You jump out of the washroom, run downstairs, took down 4 stairway pillar when you trip and fell. Open the door. GONE. Another note - I was here for the second time, you were not here again, so you come by to pick up the parcel at 8 tonight. So, its perfectly fine if you make me wait 7 hours, and you can't even wait for me for 5 bloody minutes. You call that service? So your time is valid, while my time is meaningless?
Friday, September 21, 2007
I am right, otherwise I'd look stupid.
Loads of things happend the last two day, kept me in this thinking mode, so if you have time to read through this, great! You will see multiple topics being covered in this one post. If you don't have time.. hmm.. oh well.. too damn bad, not my problem, or I could write a shorter article, but, for those who knows me, knows that i like to write long to act intelligent.. keyword to "ACT"Again, for the sake of privacy, all names mentioned are an alias only, guess all you want who these people are.
So lets talk about my "subject line" first. I was talking to a friend recelty - Michael. Michael is in his Mid 20s, have a half decent career, but a rich family, never have to work too hard to get what he wants. I notice a very poor (I think its bad) but typical behavior with Michael - He could be talking to you about anything, he would cliam expertise in that area, and its always "I've been doing it for a while now". When pointed out wrong, its always "well, it was a while ago, I don't do that anymore, so I forgot". One of the more recent discussion revolves around digital photography. I have a strong interest in photography, just like everyone else that do, I own two DSLR camera. Michael claim that he did some photography work in the past, so he is also intersted in getting a DSLR. We had a discussion, and I pointed out a few things wrong, and he basically told me "Thats how its done when you have a film camera" I do agree, back in the days, things were not as complicated, there are only so many settings, and the digital does offer a few more settings, it was also a steep learning curve for me at first. But he keep telling me that "You can't take night shots with a digital, there are too much noise". Ah, hello, what are ISO settings for? How is that any different with ASA 800 film? Its funny why people tends to (I probably do it too without knowing it) find excuses to cover up their stupidity or lack of knowledge. Why is it so hard to ask "I am sorry, I don't know, please educate me?"
Not long ago, I helped a friend - Caleb landing a job offer with a local company. This was through my other contacts in this company, Caleb know a few people there too, but somehow (wonder why) none of them were too enthusiast about the 2K referral bonus, so instead an external (ME) referred him into the organization. Little less than a year ago, Caleb would call me up every now and then, asking "How are you? Do you know anyone thats hiring?"(Earlier post, HOW ARE YOU really wans't the context, but the job search is), he sounded so eagar a couple of times, asking if i am looking for a business partner in ANY business. First I find it strange that someone would want to jump in "Any Business", I mean, why would anyone in sane have interest in investing in "any" business? I definitely would only be interested in something that I am familiar with. So anyways, since Caleb joined to others in this organization, I have had numerous conversation with them. Caleb won't stop complaining about his salary, and he always tells me that "You know when I got this offer, there are so many other offers waiting for me, I took this one because you referred me and I have all these friends working there already".. Well sorry to burst your bubble buddy, but none of these "Friends" really enjoy working with you, or if you ahve so many offers already, why do you keep asking me to find you a job?
Not so surprise, Caleb seems to be having an issue with self esteem. He is one of those odd balls that put you down so that he looks better infront of others. One of the more signficant issues, from what I heard, is that, he tends to compete with others. He started a non existing competition with the others: One of the guys that we knew, got an amazing review at work, while Caleb got an "Acceptable" review. He said "Anyone can get the amazing review, I didn't get it because I am new". It is true, but is it necessary to tell the world WHY? Nobody said anything about it, nobody is implying that you are incompetent. Their manager tends to assign more high level work to the others, Caleb always have to tell them that "I did that before, i used to do that on a daily basis, its so simple, anyone that can read can do it"
Wasn't a very good day for me yesterday. GO transit, again, with an excuse (A valid one this time), cancelled GO service for my subway line. BLAH. Damn it, I will take the TTC. Got on the TTC, there are 2 routes I can take: Kennedy, Bus to Steeles. From Steeles, bus to 407, walk to the station to get my car. Neah, not in the mood to walk, ok all the way to Scarborough Town Centre, will call someone to give me a lift to the station to get my car. Half way through, I realize that there is a much faster route: TTC>Finch, VIVA to Univonville! Damn it, oh well, Frank, save me please.. Frank did what best friend would do, he came! He rescued me... Got my car,just about 1KM from home, a lady slam on the brake on the first sign of a yellow light, LITERALLY JUST TURN YELLOW, she slams on the brake, turn the steering wheel all the way to the right, damn, missed it, clipped out her bumper... did about 1K worth of damage on her car, and about 2K damage on mine. All these after I got the camera and 2 weeks before I am going to Japan. Just fabulous
So lets talk about my "subject line" first. I was talking to a friend recelty - Michael. Michael is in his Mid 20s, have a half decent career, but a rich family, never have to work too hard to get what he wants. I notice a very poor (I think its bad) but typical behavior with Michael - He could be talking to you about anything, he would cliam expertise in that area, and its always "I've been doing it for a while now". When pointed out wrong, its always "well, it was a while ago, I don't do that anymore, so I forgot". One of the more recent discussion revolves around digital photography. I have a strong interest in photography, just like everyone else that do, I own two DSLR camera. Michael claim that he did some photography work in the past, so he is also intersted in getting a DSLR. We had a discussion, and I pointed out a few things wrong, and he basically told me "Thats how its done when you have a film camera" I do agree, back in the days, things were not as complicated, there are only so many settings, and the digital does offer a few more settings, it was also a steep learning curve for me at first. But he keep telling me that "You can't take night shots with a digital, there are too much noise". Ah, hello, what are ISO settings for? How is that any different with ASA 800 film? Its funny why people tends to (I probably do it too without knowing it) find excuses to cover up their stupidity or lack of knowledge. Why is it so hard to ask "I am sorry, I don't know, please educate me?"
Not long ago, I helped a friend - Caleb landing a job offer with a local company. This was through my other contacts in this company, Caleb know a few people there too, but somehow (wonder why) none of them were too enthusiast about the 2K referral bonus, so instead an external (ME) referred him into the organization. Little less than a year ago, Caleb would call me up every now and then, asking "How are you? Do you know anyone thats hiring?"(Earlier post, HOW ARE YOU really wans't the context, but the job search is), he sounded so eagar a couple of times, asking if i am looking for a business partner in ANY business. First I find it strange that someone would want to jump in "Any Business", I mean, why would anyone in sane have interest in investing in "any" business? I definitely would only be interested in something that I am familiar with. So anyways, since Caleb joined to others in this organization, I have had numerous conversation with them. Caleb won't stop complaining about his salary, and he always tells me that "You know when I got this offer, there are so many other offers waiting for me, I took this one because you referred me and I have all these friends working there already".. Well sorry to burst your bubble buddy, but none of these "Friends" really enjoy working with you, or if you ahve so many offers already, why do you keep asking me to find you a job?
Not so surprise, Caleb seems to be having an issue with self esteem. He is one of those odd balls that put you down so that he looks better infront of others. One of the more signficant issues, from what I heard, is that, he tends to compete with others. He started a non existing competition with the others: One of the guys that we knew, got an amazing review at work, while Caleb got an "Acceptable" review. He said "Anyone can get the amazing review, I didn't get it because I am new". It is true, but is it necessary to tell the world WHY? Nobody said anything about it, nobody is implying that you are incompetent. Their manager tends to assign more high level work to the others, Caleb always have to tell them that "I did that before, i used to do that on a daily basis, its so simple, anyone that can read can do it"
Wasn't a very good day for me yesterday. GO transit, again, with an excuse (A valid one this time), cancelled GO service for my subway line. BLAH. Damn it, I will take the TTC. Got on the TTC, there are 2 routes I can take: Kennedy, Bus to Steeles. From Steeles, bus to 407, walk to the station to get my car. Neah, not in the mood to walk, ok all the way to Scarborough Town Centre, will call someone to give me a lift to the station to get my car. Half way through, I realize that there is a much faster route: TTC>Finch, VIVA to Univonville! Damn it, oh well, Frank, save me please.. Frank did what best friend would do, he came! He rescued me... Got my car,just about 1KM from home, a lady slam on the brake on the first sign of a yellow light, LITERALLY JUST TURN YELLOW, she slams on the brake, turn the steering wheel all the way to the right, damn, missed it, clipped out her bumper... did about 1K worth of damage on her car, and about 2K damage on mine. All these after I got the camera and 2 weeks before I am going to Japan. Just fabulous
Friday, September 14, 2007
"How are you?" Good.. good.... er.. I mean.. Really?
Wow, October, its almost a year since the "big" jump, and yet I still feel like a junior around here.
I have been taking the GO train to work since switching job last October. Life on the GO is not too bad, except I am getting up at 6:00 instead of 8:00, but the beauty of this is that I am home by no later than 5:15. 5:15? That probably is the busiest time back in the days, thats when I would start to hope "Maybe I can finish early and leave at around 8". Anyways, riding the GO is a fun experience, if you can get used to the same passenger around you on a daily basis. You get accustom to nodding and saying "Good Morning" to strangers whom you never met, gesture? Not so sure about that, the "Good Morning" and "How are you?" seems like a routine to most. Another benefit of the GO ride is about 40 minutes one way, so I either sleep (most prefer to do it on their bed.. but whatever) or read, but there will be times when I didn't bring any reading material but yet I can't fall asleep. Like today......
"How are you?" is over-used in a daily basis. I have an ex-colleague (co-worker for those smart @$$ who asked "Who the heck is a colleague") who was going through some pretty crappy experience lately (that poor bastard..). We had a gathering, a bunch of people showed up. Again, for the sake of privacy, I am not going to mention real names. Alias instead. So, try visualizing the following:
I arrived the gathering early with this poor bastard - Tom. Tom's life is a mess, people he cared about either got really sick or died in the same year: His grand father died, his mother in-law died, his wife got sick, his aunt got sick, he himself had an accident. So yeah, a successful person (makes over 180K a year with a decent job) with a messed up life (See, god IS fair, he gives you something and take away something else). Anyways, half an hour later one of our other more "popular" friend Ken came by. Here is the context of our conversation:
Me: "Hey, you are late"
Ken: "No I'm not you guys are early, hows everything"
Me: "Alright"
Ken: "Hey buddy, you don't look too good is everything alright"
Tom: "Well, can't exactly say its alright, going through a few things at home, my grandfather and my mother in-law died last month and this month"
Ken turned around and saw a bunch of people at the pool table, he waved, turned around.
Ken: "Oh really, sorry to hear that. Good!"
Tom looked at me, I was a little shock too
Me: "Good? His mother in-law died"
Ken: "Er.. really? Yeah, so thats good.. sorry, I was just kidding ha ha ha, I am sorry to hear this.."
Then he took off to play pool with his friend
Tom didn't care too much, I mean, we've known the guy for a few years now, we are used to him being distracted by others. We continue with our conversation, more people arrived. Ken finishes his game and came back to talk to us more
Ken: "So Tom, hows everything?"
Whoa.. whats wrong with you? Just absent minded or don't really give a rat @$$ about people around you? Little less than 20 minutes ago the poor bastard told you his entire family is being burnt in hell right now.. you think he will be better after 20 minutes?
This story (example) may be a little extreme, but I seem to experience this abuse of "How are you" on a daily basis. I mean, all those nodding and good morning and how are you... do you really want to wish me a good morning? Will it affect you if my morning was bad or will turn bad? Do you really care how I am?
I sometimes wonder if people around are truly nice or they just want to act etiquette....
I have been taking the GO train to work since switching job last October. Life on the GO is not too bad, except I am getting up at 6:00 instead of 8:00, but the beauty of this is that I am home by no later than 5:15. 5:15? That probably is the busiest time back in the days, thats when I would start to hope "Maybe I can finish early and leave at around 8". Anyways, riding the GO is a fun experience, if you can get used to the same passenger around you on a daily basis. You get accustom to nodding and saying "Good Morning" to strangers whom you never met, gesture? Not so sure about that, the "Good Morning" and "How are you?" seems like a routine to most. Another benefit of the GO ride is about 40 minutes one way, so I either sleep (most prefer to do it on their bed.. but whatever) or read, but there will be times when I didn't bring any reading material but yet I can't fall asleep. Like today......
"How are you?" is over-used in a daily basis. I have an ex-colleague (co-worker for those smart @$$ who asked "Who the heck is a colleague") who was going through some pretty crappy experience lately (that poor bastard..). We had a gathering, a bunch of people showed up. Again, for the sake of privacy, I am not going to mention real names. Alias instead. So, try visualizing the following:
I arrived the gathering early with this poor bastard - Tom. Tom's life is a mess, people he cared about either got really sick or died in the same year: His grand father died, his mother in-law died, his wife got sick, his aunt got sick, he himself had an accident. So yeah, a successful person (makes over 180K a year with a decent job) with a messed up life (See, god IS fair, he gives you something and take away something else). Anyways, half an hour later one of our other more "popular" friend Ken came by. Here is the context of our conversation:
Me: "Hey, you are late"
Ken: "No I'm not you guys are early, hows everything"
Me: "Alright"
Ken: "Hey buddy, you don't look too good is everything alright"
Tom: "Well, can't exactly say its alright, going through a few things at home, my grandfather and my mother in-law died last month and this month"
Ken turned around and saw a bunch of people at the pool table, he waved, turned around.
Ken: "Oh really, sorry to hear that. Good!"
Tom looked at me, I was a little shock too
Me: "Good? His mother in-law died"
Ken: "Er.. really? Yeah, so thats good.. sorry, I was just kidding ha ha ha, I am sorry to hear this.."
Then he took off to play pool with his friend
Tom didn't care too much, I mean, we've known the guy for a few years now, we are used to him being distracted by others. We continue with our conversation, more people arrived. Ken finishes his game and came back to talk to us more
Ken: "So Tom, hows everything?"
Whoa.. whats wrong with you? Just absent minded or don't really give a rat @$$ about people around you? Little less than 20 minutes ago the poor bastard told you his entire family is being burnt in hell right now.. you think he will be better after 20 minutes?
This story (example) may be a little extreme, but I seem to experience this abuse of "How are you" on a daily basis. I mean, all those nodding and good morning and how are you... do you really want to wish me a good morning? Will it affect you if my morning was bad or will turn bad? Do you really care how I am?
I sometimes wonder if people around are truly nice or they just want to act etiquette....
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Road Rage - Karma
I've always known that I CAN get aggressive on the road. My best friend.. and all my friends (for that matters) seems to think that I have a road rage issue. My normal reaction is to shrug it off and say "its call technique". Denial? Hell yeah, its beyond denial, I am replacing something bad, giving it a good name to make me sound cool.
The road rage issue wasn't as significant when I was driving the smaller sedan I had before, I was aggressive, but because the car was small and it has fairly rigid handling, I was able to accelerate and merge between traffic at will, so it wasn't that much of an issue. But since switching to this giant SUV, the aggression seems to have gotten worse.I think a lot (most) of us have the same mentality - I hate it if the other drivers are doing it, but its perfectly fine if I am the one committing these "driving crime".
My aggression comes in two form: Physical and Mental. Lets look at the physical aspect. With the SUV, I can't just simply merge in and out of traffic, its just too damn big, and the acceleration is sub-par with the vehicle, so slamming on the gas cutting people out without signal in just half a car length is no longer an option. Instead, what I do is I accelerate really fast, I am literally touching the other car's bumper. One of two things can occur when you tailgate people: You either piss them off, and they MAY slam on the brake thinking that its a warning for you to back off. Another scenario is that MOST people who see a 3 tones SUV climbing up their @$$ would normally just move out of the way. I usually do the first, the same psychology works both ways. If you choose to "scare" an SUV away by tailgating it, think again, because I am not scared of no mini cars come ramming up my behind.
The mental rage is evil, yet fascinating. Years ago, I watched a sci-fi spy/cops and robbers type flick. Don't exactly remember the name of the movie, there is no real plot to it, but the effect was cool with robotic spiders and such. One of the thing that was really cool, was a homing RC car, so how does this work: You are following your subject, you decide to destroy them. You press this button on your steering wheel, the center console of the car will open up and drop a small RC car on the ground, this thing, will chase your subject, crawl underneath it, and BOOOM... Its kinda childish for a 30 years old man thinking of something like this, but DAMN, don't I wish I have that button on my steering wheel! But wait, what happened after it blew up? I am right behind this burning trash of what was left of a slow junk, oh thats it, its a 3 tones SUV.. I will just climb over it.
There is actually a hybrid version of this "rage". It usually happen when I see slow SMALL cars. What annoys me is that, many of these slow cars are capable of achieving god speed, but the idiot between the seat and the steering wheel decide to drive really slow to piss everyone off. The mental kicks in: I want to just accelerate up your bumper, and push you out, yes, "big powers brings big responsibilities", with big torque, I clean out slow cars for others on the highway who knows how to drive. Foot on gas pedal, gun it, almost touch the guy, slam on the brake to slow down, piss off the guy behind me, heard a loud horn and squealing tires from extreme braking. Great, I pissed off both the guys in front AND behind me.
I remember an incident that happened a while back. I was waiting for a parking spot at a local mall, it was just before Christmas, so the mall was busy. I was camping on an strip waiting for cars leaving. An older man, came out pointed at his car and wave. Bingo, thank you sir. Signal, wait. The kind old man moved out, but he took a route that completely blocked me out from parking my car, no sweat, I will just wait till he move out of the way. A modded up Honda Civic, gun through traffic, parked right in the spot. My dinky small car has an amazing horn. I honk the horn, it was so loud that there was an echo in a crowded parking lot! The Civic driver, came out, look at me as if he owns the world, gave me the worse attitude ever. I reason (negotiated) with him, he was swearing at me. I start to think to myself "Should I kick his ass right here", don't laugh, those who knows me know that I do possess the skill to beat up even the biggest guys. Anyways, I dropped that thought, since my girlfriend (at the time) said "Lets just go". I told this Civic boy "You know what, keep your parking spot, I can so see people like you keying my car even if you do give me back the spot". We took off.
Right after the holiday, one of my staff resigned, I have an opening. I received a stash of resume from HR. Oh, this one looks interesting - Wilton Chan, fresh grad, computer engineering, top of class, GPA of 3.9. Excellent, chances are, this guy is smarter than me. Ok Wilton, lets talk. Picked up the phone called him, he sounded very sincere, and he was able to handle MOST of the questions I asked him (and I don't even know what the heck did I just asked him), see, he IS smarter than me, hiring him also mean that there will be less work for me... I started picturing my Vodka vacation when I delegate all task to him, force him to attend meeting in my place etc. Snap out of it, he came in for a face to face interview. Security called up, I send one of the senior down to greet this guy, and have him bring my "clone" up for the face to face. I was waiting in a room. Senior came in with a familiar face.. oh wait.. Civic Guy.. I remember you! Hey, look up look at my face? I bet you recognized me too. No vodka vacation for me, but for sure, no job for you. And YES, I admit, I took it all personal. SO? You don't even have the decency as a human, you failed to present yourself in the public, let alone presenting yourself in a professional environment. The interview lasted 2 minutes: He came in, I walk out, I called HR, told them to never present his application ever to the rest of the organization. Done. You just screw yourself for an opportunity with a global organization... over a parking spot. Congratulation, you just enrolled yourself to the "loser" crowd of the earth's population
Every time I decide to drive recklessly (again, I call it driving with technique, and sliding in style), this story will pop up. Reality is that, you never know who you will run into the next day. My behavior, on the road, is far from being acceptable. Maybe, I too, should tone down a bit
The road rage issue wasn't as significant when I was driving the smaller sedan I had before, I was aggressive, but because the car was small and it has fairly rigid handling, I was able to accelerate and merge between traffic at will, so it wasn't that much of an issue. But since switching to this giant SUV, the aggression seems to have gotten worse.I think a lot (most) of us have the same mentality - I hate it if the other drivers are doing it, but its perfectly fine if I am the one committing these "driving crime".
My aggression comes in two form: Physical and Mental. Lets look at the physical aspect. With the SUV, I can't just simply merge in and out of traffic, its just too damn big, and the acceleration is sub-par with the vehicle, so slamming on the gas cutting people out without signal in just half a car length is no longer an option. Instead, what I do is I accelerate really fast, I am literally touching the other car's bumper. One of two things can occur when you tailgate people: You either piss them off, and they MAY slam on the brake thinking that its a warning for you to back off. Another scenario is that MOST people who see a 3 tones SUV climbing up their @$$ would normally just move out of the way. I usually do the first, the same psychology works both ways. If you choose to "scare" an SUV away by tailgating it, think again, because I am not scared of no mini cars come ramming up my behind.
The mental rage is evil, yet fascinating. Years ago, I watched a sci-fi spy/cops and robbers type flick. Don't exactly remember the name of the movie, there is no real plot to it, but the effect was cool with robotic spiders and such. One of the thing that was really cool, was a homing RC car, so how does this work: You are following your subject, you decide to destroy them. You press this button on your steering wheel, the center console of the car will open up and drop a small RC car on the ground, this thing, will chase your subject, crawl underneath it, and BOOOM... Its kinda childish for a 30 years old man thinking of something like this, but DAMN, don't I wish I have that button on my steering wheel! But wait, what happened after it blew up? I am right behind this burning trash of what was left of a slow junk, oh thats it, its a 3 tones SUV.. I will just climb over it.
There is actually a hybrid version of this "rage". It usually happen when I see slow SMALL cars. What annoys me is that, many of these slow cars are capable of achieving god speed, but the idiot between the seat and the steering wheel decide to drive really slow to piss everyone off. The mental kicks in: I want to just accelerate up your bumper, and push you out, yes, "big powers brings big responsibilities", with big torque, I clean out slow cars for others on the highway who knows how to drive. Foot on gas pedal, gun it, almost touch the guy, slam on the brake to slow down, piss off the guy behind me, heard a loud horn and squealing tires from extreme braking. Great, I pissed off both the guys in front AND behind me.
I remember an incident that happened a while back. I was waiting for a parking spot at a local mall, it was just before Christmas, so the mall was busy. I was camping on an strip waiting for cars leaving. An older man, came out pointed at his car and wave. Bingo, thank you sir. Signal, wait. The kind old man moved out, but he took a route that completely blocked me out from parking my car, no sweat, I will just wait till he move out of the way. A modded up Honda Civic, gun through traffic, parked right in the spot. My dinky small car has an amazing horn. I honk the horn, it was so loud that there was an echo in a crowded parking lot! The Civic driver, came out, look at me as if he owns the world, gave me the worse attitude ever. I reason (negotiated) with him, he was swearing at me. I start to think to myself "Should I kick his ass right here", don't laugh, those who knows me know that I do possess the skill to beat up even the biggest guys. Anyways, I dropped that thought, since my girlfriend (at the time) said "Lets just go". I told this Civic boy "You know what, keep your parking spot, I can so see people like you keying my car even if you do give me back the spot". We took off.
Right after the holiday, one of my staff resigned, I have an opening. I received a stash of resume from HR. Oh, this one looks interesting - Wilton Chan, fresh grad, computer engineering, top of class, GPA of 3.9. Excellent, chances are, this guy is smarter than me. Ok Wilton, lets talk. Picked up the phone called him, he sounded very sincere, and he was able to handle MOST of the questions I asked him (and I don't even know what the heck did I just asked him), see, he IS smarter than me, hiring him also mean that there will be less work for me... I started picturing my Vodka vacation when I delegate all task to him, force him to attend meeting in my place etc. Snap out of it, he came in for a face to face interview. Security called up, I send one of the senior down to greet this guy, and have him bring my "clone" up for the face to face. I was waiting in a room. Senior came in with a familiar face.. oh wait.. Civic Guy.. I remember you! Hey, look up look at my face? I bet you recognized me too. No vodka vacation for me, but for sure, no job for you. And YES, I admit, I took it all personal. SO? You don't even have the decency as a human, you failed to present yourself in the public, let alone presenting yourself in a professional environment. The interview lasted 2 minutes: He came in, I walk out, I called HR, told them to never present his application ever to the rest of the organization. Done. You just screw yourself for an opportunity with a global organization... over a parking spot. Congratulation, you just enrolled yourself to the "loser" crowd of the earth's population
Every time I decide to drive recklessly (again, I call it driving with technique, and sliding in style), this story will pop up. Reality is that, you never know who you will run into the next day. My behavior, on the road, is far from being acceptable. Maybe, I too, should tone down a bit
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Annoying People....
The conversation started with a simple "How are you, how was your weekend?" over a limited office version of MSN (damn annoying proxy). Two minutes into the conversation, I found myself gossiping about another coworker with my buddy (another coworker). For the sake "privacy", lets just give these people an alias. Ok, its set, we will call my buddy Elaine, and the subject of our conversation as Kelvin.
In all honesty, I never pay much attention to Kelvin's behavior, probably because he never did a good job annoying me. Elaine on the other hand, was fairly annoyed by Kelvin's behavior. I guess our behavior is probably just as annoying, I mean, if anyone is to find out about this conversation, they will probably find us just as annoying. But, who gives a damn? Its over MSN, the only person that may find out is that COOP student that get paid eight dollars an hour to monitor network traffic. Even then, whats the odd of him being bored enough to look at one conversation thread over a building of 5000+ users?
Anyways, so how did Kelvin pissed Elaine off so much? One of the things is his body gesture. Kelvin is not a bad person, but he tries just a bit too hard to act friendly with people around him, regardless of men or women! He would come and give you a "friendly tap" every now and then, the way he does it is no different from how I would treat my close friends... keyword.. CLOSE FRIENDS.....
Another thing is Kelvin's eagerness to learn each everything about you. The term "Privacy" means nothing to him. For some odd reason, his eyes are more attracted to the content on your Windows desktop than your face when he is talking to you. I never really notice this one (I did with the body gesture), Elaine pointed this out. Its hilarious, little less than two hours after our "Conversation", Kelvin came by my desk,. Something happened that day, so I was writing a long @$$ email barking down on my staff. Kelvin stood behind me the whole time reading what I was writing until I was done and click on send. Maybe next time I should just ask him "How should I write this email"
One of the thing that really ticked me off is how stingy this dude gets. I am not going to get into the details, but bottom line is, he is stingy to the pennies, I don't even remember when was the last time he paid for anything when we go out for drinks or lunch or dinner. Even for his own share! Its always really convenient for him to say "I don't have money on me, pay for it first, I will pay you back in a bit"
Another one is his genuine ability to put people down. Elaine seems to think that he did that to make himself looks (or sound) better than others. One comment he made was "My degree was more difficult than yours. What you've got is nothing". OUCH... but hey, whatever, I take what he said with a grain of salt anyways.
On top of these three more significant traits, he also have some "side" behaviors that trigger people off. Am I just someone who doesn't care about others enough to feel their existence (or annoyance)? Or Am I just oblivious to everything around me?
For all you annoying bastard out there. Think about what you are doing and how it will affect the others.....
In all honesty, I never pay much attention to Kelvin's behavior, probably because he never did a good job annoying me. Elaine on the other hand, was fairly annoyed by Kelvin's behavior. I guess our behavior is probably just as annoying, I mean, if anyone is to find out about this conversation, they will probably find us just as annoying. But, who gives a damn? Its over MSN, the only person that may find out is that COOP student that get paid eight dollars an hour to monitor network traffic. Even then, whats the odd of him being bored enough to look at one conversation thread over a building of 5000+ users?
Anyways, so how did Kelvin pissed Elaine off so much? One of the things is his body gesture. Kelvin is not a bad person, but he tries just a bit too hard to act friendly with people around him, regardless of men or women! He would come and give you a "friendly tap" every now and then, the way he does it is no different from how I would treat my close friends... keyword.. CLOSE FRIENDS.....
Another thing is Kelvin's eagerness to learn each everything about you. The term "Privacy" means nothing to him. For some odd reason, his eyes are more attracted to the content on your Windows desktop than your face when he is talking to you. I never really notice this one (I did with the body gesture), Elaine pointed this out. Its hilarious, little less than two hours after our "Conversation", Kelvin came by my desk,. Something happened that day, so I was writing a long @$$ email barking down on my staff. Kelvin stood behind me the whole time reading what I was writing until I was done and click on send. Maybe next time I should just ask him "How should I write this email"
One of the thing that really ticked me off is how stingy this dude gets. I am not going to get into the details, but bottom line is, he is stingy to the pennies, I don't even remember when was the last time he paid for anything when we go out for drinks or lunch or dinner. Even for his own share! Its always really convenient for him to say "I don't have money on me, pay for it first, I will pay you back in a bit"
Another one is his genuine ability to put people down. Elaine seems to think that he did that to make himself looks (or sound) better than others. One comment he made was "My degree was more difficult than yours. What you've got is nothing". OUCH... but hey, whatever, I take what he said with a grain of salt anyways.
On top of these three more significant traits, he also have some "side" behaviors that trigger people off. Am I just someone who doesn't care about others enough to feel their existence (or annoyance)? Or Am I just oblivious to everything around me?
For all you annoying bastard out there. Think about what you are doing and how it will affect the others.....
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